Soo...the world bank is awe inspiring. It's huge and beautiful and there's people rushing around in suits and beautiful flags from 186 various countries hang in collection next to the information desk. High speed elevators whisk you up to high-tech conference rooms with cushy leather chairs and microphones are anchored in the place of each seat. We sat attentively with a group of high school students from Denmark and then followed by completely obliterating the speaker with core-crushing inquiries about the role of NGO's in the development arena. Politely of course yet I'm proud - we kicked intellectual ass. And at the end of it all, it all seems like bullshit and yet completely real.
Criticism is good, criticism is great - it reminds us that we're alive. Critical analysis invokes change and change is growth and growth is life and life will never be perfect. Happiness is deciding which contradictions and flaws you are willing to accept. We are here to use what we are given. In my opinion, it's unrealistic to expect perfection (but I'm not saying don't run towards it with all your might). Life is the beautiful struggle towards enlightenment and harmony. So anyways, NGO's are flawed. The World Bank and other similar institutions will always be evolving and realizing past mistakes because that's what we do! I guess my question is then, is it best to work inside or outside the system to create effective change?
After the presentation, a few member of my group (including myself) stuck around to ask some more questions. The speaker was great in the fact that she admitted the flaws and praised the good of the system. In my opinion, that is the way everything is. However, the flaw within the development ideology seems almost subconscious. It's not that the representatives of these organizations are actively maniacal. I believe that the flaw stems from the current collective opinion about what to do with all our knowledge of the world's injustice.
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I need to find someway to unload. Writing it out is a start, but it's like I can't even process everything fully enough to fully articulate what I'm feeling/thinking. It's frustrating. After the world bank visit, we walked back to the hostel to have a de-briefing session. I was literally so frustrated that I was holding back tears. The little fuckers just sneak up on ya. I'm glad that I have people to relate to on this trip. I mean I think everyone is great but there are a few people that I just really connect to. So this is re-assuring. I guess I'm also just missing Burlington. I mean, I'm not saying that I'm unhappy. Emotion is fine. Frustration is a warranted emotion. Basically, everything is a warranted emotion it's just how you deal with it. But anyways, yea it's nice to just retreat inside my head sometimes. I'm definitely not sending home my ipod. Oh, I don't think I mentioned that. This whole trip is like "getting away from technology" - which is awesome! down with the cell phone or whatever - I'm not saying that I'll totally reject the past 100 years of science when I get back but it'll be nice to have less to worry about. I can't even say this enough. This year is going to be so fucking intense. It's like big, real, scary discussions all the time and sometimes you just want to cry and take a nap or just need a hug but no you have to sit in a room for two hours and de-brief about everything you've just heard and you want to just have a little time to process. But seriously though, no complaints! This is just my way to vent. I still feel so lucky and happy to be living and all that good jazz.
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