I've got way too much time on my hands right now.

So, after posting my half-articulated shpiel on Wal-Mart - I went there. I needed some prescriptions filled and well I just wanted to walk around and see what was up. At first I completely recanted everything that I had written about Wal-Mart being the answer (as a figurative tool) and was just totally disgusted by the mass-produced shit in there and the man I saw who's grocery cart was filled with a completely unnecessary amount of Funyons...Funions...Funyions? (I have no idea how to spell that). Anyways, then I went to the Pharmacy counter. I waited as Chantera copied down the information from my malaria meds and laughed to herself at how half of my prescriptions were from Vermont and the other half Connecticut. She made me happy. I just kept thinking about how much she probably gets shit on during the day by impatient customers trying to get their orders filled so they can go buy their life-ending quantities of onion snacks. It was just nice that we were laughing together. I was simultaneously thinking about how my dad handles customer service interactions and cringing uncontrollably.

Chantera made me think about the jobs that one store can create and how that job helped her. Looking around, I still saw potential. I just have hope in the idea that corporations and small business can work together. We need to get back to the old-school flea market style way of selling things. Why can't corporations use their power to empower the small business? (I'm getting choppy in my thought process here but hey - it's my blog)

Side note, a good friend of mine informed me that Heinz ketchup tastes different in Costa Rica than in the United States. This is because the tomatoes used in the Costa Rican condiment are local and it's just cheaper for Heinz to do business that way. Back to my question, why can't a big superstore like Wal-Mart integrate Joe Schmoe's home-made onion snack business into their assortment of comprehensive goods? I guess the issue is standardization of all items in all stores across the country. But, see - that's where I agree about dismantling a standing system.

I can understand about a chain store having the same items in each store but what about bringing in some local flavor? It would make the shopping experience a lot more interesting and socially engaging. There are stores that are all about this and there are standardized sellers that implement an integration but the question remains. Can we tap into this big power? This brings me to the conclusion that I need a crash course in economics because I want to know how to make this work. Why fight the man when you can be the man?

But God can be funny at a cocktail party listening to a good God-themed joke.

Last night was whiskey night with my good friend Dawson. There is just something about Seagram’s, iced tea and a pack of cigarettes that's so satisfying. Oh it's awful, but true. We're sitting there just talking about whatever and we get on the subject of Wal-Mart. I seem to be bringing this up in conversation a lot lately. I'm interested in other people's opinions because it's so easy to say down with the big corporations but what if we keep overlooking the key to our own salvation? I'm not saying Wal-Mart is the Christ-figure of capitalism but I am saying that maybe we all need to buck up and start working with what we have. On the one hand, Wal-Mart takes life insurance policies out on their employees and names themselves as the beneficiary, but at the same time wins an organic taste test against Whole Foods (with a slew of food critics and organic farmers as the test audience)? What does this all mean? Moral of the story, everything is grey.

For the entirety of the past year I worked with a marketing incubator for local business. Our life was to promote and develop local businesses in an almost elitist manner. I still agree with that mantra except for the whole being an elitist deal (not my scene). Yet, I have trouble accepting that as an answer and furthermore the local-vore movement confuses me. The rise of local business is essential in maintaining a level of competition in the market and demanding quality of livelihood and consumer product. Also, like every subculture, I believe that even complete anarchy has a place in the balance of things. However, the ultimate goal of a local utopia is to have every city, county and state to be completely self-sufficient through the development of their local markets, right? That seems impossible to me. I see this as a beautiful notion and necessary to some extent but how is that even possible? How can we completely dismantle our current system? I've heard people say that it's time to completely get rid of capitalism and start over but how can someone say that? Historically, it's possible to overthrow the government but in my opinion it's too radical to say we're at that point.

I had this professor last semester, Saleem Ali, and I can't quote him verbatim but he told us some very wise words during one of the first classes. Essentially, he said that we can't focus too much on regressing into what was or developing too far into the promise of technology but that as a collective humanity we need to resolve our crises through the use of what we have before us. Wise words Saleem. Also, as a side note, I would recommend to anybody to read his book "Treasures of the Earth". It's really great and focuses on the history of mining, our relationship with minerals and the concept of the "treasure impulse" in relation to why we consume at such an alarming rate. It’s really very interesting and not dry.

Oh shit, I totally lost my train of thought and it's not coming back for a bit. But either way, to just sum up what I'm attempting to suggest, there is something we're missing here. I'm still figuring out what I know though. So don't take me seriously just yet - this is a cyber sounding board.

Yea.

01.
pumpkin got a snakebite
searching for his lover
what was he to do?
she kept on running through the gutters

my sweet, you don't need anybody
I mean, did any of those nameless faces
ever come looking for you?
selfish, elusive, unaware
should have let you go to find your own

but with every idol comes idle hands
clasped in frozen prayer to their shape
shrieking grievances to blissful starry skies
be still in your being, lay low in the lawn
we will come to your call
tending place where you fall

02.
You may mistake me as a woman
You may mistake me as a child
You may mistake me as american
but I am none and all those things

I once read this book in a funny language
It promised to show me universal truth
I read the lines and in between them too
but still couldn't decide what to believe

Now I may quote its pages
I may even take his word
but these lenses keep changing on me
I barely recognize the earth

then I saw this trippy movie
all their characters cartoon
it told me "look inside your dreamworld"
but another dream I've yet to have

I keep forgetting why I'm here today
taking lovers, wasting time
they keep giving me these silly glasses
so now my world's a shade of pink

I wear those lenses like a rosary
make love in darkness and in light
and when they fall onto the pavement
the tiny mirrors nick my soles

quedate, quedate luna bonita
dimelo a donde debo ir
miro a tus ojos
por que esta la verdad

Aug. 30, 2010 - UVM's first day of classes and I'm in CT (it just doesn't feel right)

So. I'm starting a blog. I'm new at this so we'll see what happens. I just spent 15 minutes researching which site had the best user ratings (like it really matters). You're either going to read this or you're not. I figure if at least one person reads this who isn't a close friend or my mother - that's a major win for me and pretty amazing. Ahh, the wonders of cyberspace. I mean I still spiral every time I use my debit card at a store, so starting a blog is kind of a big deal. But anyways, I'm rambling.

The point of this whole excursion is for me to create an outlet so that I will be able to sort out the next 9 months of my life. I am trading my junior year of college for (essentially) a tour around the world to study globalization. In 19 days I'll be leaving for Washington D.C. From there, I'll be on retreat in Virginia for 2 weeks. Then I'll be off to India, Tanzania, New Zealand and finally Mexico. I cannot even explain how completely appreciative I am for this opportunity, but it's been a lot to deal with. I'm leaving everything I know at a time where I finally am finding myself, giving up so much when things are finally starting to fall into place and putting myself in a shitload of debt. In spite of this, if given the chance, I would never change my decision.

I meant to start this blog a few months ago but my journal-ing ended up being a mixture of rants, bits of poems and non-sensical riffs on various events that have happened in the past few months. I might make my next post some poems I've written lately. I'm not promising anything fantastic - it just might be nice to share.